I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
