Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize