I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
