life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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