Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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