Define "chronic" masturbator.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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