Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I will be naked everywhere
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
