yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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