Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
