idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
please don't ironically join a cult
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