They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
