I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
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I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
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The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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