dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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