i would punch a child for taco bell
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
