I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She needs sedatives and a leash
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
