Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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