I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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