he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
