The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
