Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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