My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
