dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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