Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
