He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
