Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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