i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
No subtext here. People are naked.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
