Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
