just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
it was like eating out sand paper
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
