My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
