OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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