i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
