If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
