If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
