The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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