sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
