I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
