Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
