i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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