whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
