you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
