Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
