After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
