I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
