I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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