The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm jealous of your bromance
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
