At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
