Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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