How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
