i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
