Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
