No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
