You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
