so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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