Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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