false alarm. still invincible.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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