dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
