She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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