why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
