Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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