Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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