oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
