So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
