lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
