loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
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