I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
