Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I will be naked everywhere
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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