I wish my penis had an off switch
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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