It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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