He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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