hell yes lets make some ravioli
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
