I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I AM VODKA MAN
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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