i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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