Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
