The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
