Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
